Makeup

“Well… fake it till I make it.” Is something I don’t want to hear my wife grumble on our wedding day.

In other times and settings, it’s really not that ignoble of a notion though. Are you in a new situation with no road map towards proper conduct? Well, do your best and eventually you’ll learn the ropes. Feeling like your mood just got kicked in the back by a kangaroo and then stepped on by a poisonous platypus barb? Well, go to a party and act happy… pretty soon your mood is hitching a ride on the Goodyear blimp to cloud 9.

Some kid from Oregon transplanted to work in a West African country for two years? Well apparently after 9 months (coincidentally the gestation period of a human) of faking it, you’ll start to not be the most socially awkward one in a crowd. Not that I’m graceful in my native culture, but I’ve noticed I haven’t been acting the part of the bullheaded, linear-charging American lately. You want a concrete example of how my conduct has changed? Well, how American of you.

I guess communication has changed most- almost as hard as Temne has been to learn, I’ve learned to speak “Grape Vine.” First off, I’ve give up trying to perform tactical information extractions then escaping in a conversational Blackhawk under the cover of night- there’s a protocol for information gathering here I’ve noticed worked on me. I’m beginning to warm up to it.

To start, my village, consistent with the rest of my country, is big on simply greeting. Of course it’s just polite behavior, but more than that- in communities composed of such tightly braided families, it’s important to have a steady reading of the village blood pressure. If you say, “Hey, how’s it goin?” and don’t get back a standard response, “A tel God tenki,” then you might want to put your nose to the ground and see if something’s up.

I’ll take a moment to give a crash-course in Temne greetings- “Sekke” is always an acceptable launch pad. You can even add a “momo” to your “Sekke” to be very polite. To respond, of course, you have to “iyo” their “momo” and add your own “sekke,” possibly even crowning it with your own “momo.” They might “iyo” your “momo,” but if they “momo” your “momo” and follow it with an “iyo,” be sure not to “iyo” their “iyo.” If at any point you get frightened or lose track, a good “sekke” resets the whole thing and you can begin a conversation.

Now, if I( want to know if someone is going to follow through on a commitment, a year ago I would’ve asked, “So, how’s the work? Any chance “X” will happen on time?” But here I would ask something like, “How’s your farm?” or “Who won the Arsenal-AC Milan game?”

I’ve been surprised quite a few times after having a seemingly innocuous chat about school schedules or Mangoes, by a conversational upper-cut. Suddenly I’m being asked if I can lend my bike out for a week or asked if a phone I confiscated from a student can be returned to their nephew, because, after all, it actually belongs to the Imam’s older brother. What?!

Treading softly seems to get you quite a few more places than a frontal assault would. A direct question could get a, “No he won’t be there.” Whereas beating around the bush in a wide spiral would yield a more satisfying, “Well… no one can tell. This time of year people are pressed to work on their farms.” Run that through the grapevine translator- “No, the dude isn’t showing up till at least the turn of the season. He’s hungry.”

Also, yelling isn’t always a bad thing. If you scream, “HI, HOW ARE YOU” in someone’s face they’ll think you should be institutionalized, but if conversation strays towards the topic of money- please feel free to insert your earplugs now.

“How much for the eggs?”

“Ten thousand.”

“TEN THOUSAND?! THIS IS A CRIMINAL PRICE. I’LL PAY SIX.”

“SIX?! ARE YOU TRYING TO THEIF ME?! PAY NINE!”

“I’LL PAY EIGHT!”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

One instance in particular I was surprised by the tenacity of the ‘bargaining’ between a salty boat captain and passenger wanting to bring along enough jugs of palm oil to fill Zeus’ own goblet. I asked the man sitting next to me if they were about to “dif ko” (straight-up murder each other). My fellow witness smiled and responded that they simply wanted to let each other know they were serious.

So I’d like to think little by little my square cultural edges are beginning to be sanded down. To think that I’ll escape the awful square-peg vs. round-hole analogy and sometime soon find out that I’m not slathering makeup on my life, but it actually does look like it belongs in Sierra Leone… But until then, I’m still going to act super awkward when someone asks me why I have had children while breast milk sprays across my arm and a small child defecating in a pot is gleefully calling my name.

Hey- also- I should mention how thankful I am for a few things-

Not that I won an Oscar or anything, but I’ve got to thank my family. It’s always an electric moment every Sunday afternoon when they call. What voices are going to be on the other end of the phone? What has everyone been doing in that strange place, America? It’s like my weekly fuel-up.

And Neil Armstrong- I understand you, man. As I was peering in quivering disbelief inside my last care package from home, I realized peanut butter and beef-jerky shouldn’t invoke so much emotion.

“Heyyyy, cool moonrocks, Neil!” Cool moonrocks? These gray chunks are a connection to something, an experience and place, he can’t describe to hardly anyone else on literally the whole planet.

So when, through unwarranted generosity, kind souls like Hugh and Barbara send a packet of magazines, Sarah sends me a book to change my life, one of Molly’s letters lights up my day/week/month, Ashton gives me a glimpse of her amazing life, my phone buzzes with a text message from Noah- or any other precious missive gets to me, well… I think people here or in the states can appreciate what the gesture means, but I really don’t think I can explain the entire significance. We say “thanks” back home, “tenki” in Krio, or “momo” in Temne. So maybe if I say “motenks” you’ll get an idea just how much I appreciate grandparents, my great parents, siblings, and friends taking care of me from an ocean away.

Motenks.